Not having a wedding ceremony
So this is the thing: I got married two weeks ago.
It was in China, so no witnesses needed.
It was just me and my husband, signing papers and then off to a lovely little hotel and a day-trip to a beautiful national park.
,I have never been the girl to dream of a big wedding ceremony with a white dress, flowers all over, hundreds of guests etc.
I actually planned since I was in my early twenties never to get married, but then at 25 I found my now husband, and my mind changed - I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and we are both excited to have each other as life partners.
,But when I see friends (or bloggers) getting married, sharing the pictures and photographs from their ceremonies, I do feel a little insecure.
For them, their wedding will be a large event in their life, something that they and their family and friends will remember.
,For me, just the decision that u201cYes, I want to marry this manu201d, was the biggest thing for me.
When we decided to get engaged (we decided together, bought the rings together, and then got engaged just the two of us present).
Getting married after that didnu2019t feel so special, I mean we had already decided that we wanted this.
,My husband is Chinese, and here in China there are huge expectations of a wedding party - relatives and people in our village will talk about us if we donu2019t have a party.
But if the party is in a random restaurant doesnu2019t matter, as long as they are given meat, cigarettes and alcohol.
This might not happen because of other reasons, but if we have this small party here I donu2019t plan to invite my friends and family.
Why? Because itu2019s not a party I would enjoy very much myself, and probably not my family and friends from outside of China either.
So I donu2019t feel like its fair to ask them to pay a lot of money for flights, visas and vaccinations to participate in a not-so-nice wedding ceremony in a restaurant.
,I am afraid to regret it though.
That I didnu2019t have a wedding ceremony - or even more so that I did have a small ceremony, but didnu2019t invite my friends and family.
,I thought Iu2019d share it here, since you wonu2019t be biased.
Is it weird to not have a wedding
No, because for a lot of people it is more about the marriage and less about the wedding.
What matters in a wedding is whom you are marrying and not how.
If you waste your energy focusing on the color of your dress rather than the character of the person you are marrying, the wedding will not culminate in what it should.
China is not anti-democracy.
There are several political parties in China with the names of democracy (see Appendix 1), and there are so many streets/roads named u201cdemocracyu201d in China.
There is a public service ad broadcasting frequently on China Central Television to promote democracy.
,The CCTV ad that promotes the core concept of Socialism:,u201cu81eau7531u3001u5e73u7b49u3001u516cu6b63u3001u6cd5u6cbb,uff08freedom, equality, justice, rule of law,u5bccu5f3au3001u6c11u4e3bu3001u6587u660eu3001u548cu8c10,rich & strong, democracy, civilization, harmony,u7231u56fdu3001u8bdau4fe1u3001u656cu4e1au3001u53cbu5584u201c,patriotism, integrity, devote to work, being kind),Iu2019m not the one you described, I earned my BS and Master degree in the US, and Iu2019m not communist, but Taoist.
I also do want democracy, but not your kind, the western kind.
,Taiwan has already been a very bad example for copying the western standards of democracy, maybe Hong Kong also.
So called democracy costs Taiwan 20 years to build an airport subway.
,Taiwan pan blue government decided to build a new so called u201cbig eggu201d stadium for the 2017 World University Games, pan green parties stopped it, and left the stadium to rust.
Now they donu2019t have an proper place for the opening ceremony.
,Turtles take the abandoned u201cBig eggu201d as home,Pan blue government costed $$$$ to build a brand new No.
4 nuclear power plant, pan green parties forced to abandon it, protesters said, u201cIu2019m human, so Iu2019m against nuclear power, we use LOVE to generate poweru201d Yes, you hear it right, LOVE.
Now, thereu2019s no enough electricity, thus the pan green government reopened the very ancient and old No.
1 and No.
2 nuclear plants, but not the advanced No.
4 nuclear power plant, and wish to spend $$$$ again to transform it to a traditional power plant.
,The text means u201cuse love to generate electric poweru201d,Pan blue government was going to sign FTA with China, Pan green parties said this was selling out their country.
Now, the Pan green government wish to reactive the signing process.
China: NO WAY!,Let me show you some examples in Hong Kong:,Hong Kong uses decade to build a high speed railway station on the Hong Kong Island, due to endless pan democracy partiesu2019 disagreement.
It made that 10 km high speed railway to be the most expensive ones in the world.
,During this 20 years after the return, Hong Kong pan democracy congressmen almost say no on every development proposal, and refuse to negotiate, anything that the pan SAR congressmen propose is anti-democracy in their eyes.
,Some anti-China people comment that the Chinese congress is a clapping machine.
My comment: Not exactly.
The Chinese government will discuss a new regulation/law fully with other political parties, congressmen, and all the related experts, and then put the draft on the website of the State Council for public opinion, and then send it to the congress for final vote.
We only vote when almost everyone can accept the new law, thus why very few congressmen might vote against.
,We do not use 51% violence like what the Taiwan congress does.
If you watched the Taiwan televisions for a long period, you will see how bad the political system in Taiwan is.
Congressmen fight with, bully each other all the time, no courtesy exists at all.
,I do agree the democracy in China is not enough.
But to my point of view, the American democracy also has flaws.
Nothing can be perfect, every country has its own problems.
Women and Blacks even cannot vote and take a same bus in the US in last century.
UK also used 900 years to reach itsu2019 current u201cdemocracyu201d status.
,Itu2019s impossible for China to adapt the western standard immediately from an extreme poor country to be a modern democracy state.
China has completely different amount of population, culture, education level, economic level.
China needs time to find a way which could fit itself.
,Ending: If the westerners really wish to do something for China, you could apologize for The twice Opium Wars, 8 Powers invasion, etc.
, and return the huge amount of war reparations to help China to develop itself.
You must understand it is meaningless for a poor/uneducated country to adapt so called democracy.
,If you canu2019t, then stop judging China, thatu2019s hypocrite.
Now the westerners are not able to invade China again, so you people invented so called u201cdemocracyu201d, u201chuman rightu201d to sick China.
I must say, that is not going to work.
,,Appendix 1,Registered political parties in China with the word u201cdemocracyu201d in their names:,u4e2du56fdu6c11u4e3bu540cu76df (u6c11u76df),China Democratic League (CDL),u4e2du56fdu6c11u4e3bu5efau56fdu4f1a (u6c11u5efa),China Democratic National Construction Association (CDNCA),u4e2du56fdu6c11u4e3bu4fc3u8fdbu4f1a (u6c11u8fdb),China Association for Promoting Democracy (CAPD),u4e2du56fdu519cu5de5u6c11u4e3bu515a (u519cu5de5u515a),Chinese Peasants and Workers Democratic Party (CPWDP),u53f0u6e7eu6c11u4e3bu81eau6cbbu540cu76df (u53f0u76df),Taiwan Democratic Self-Government League (TDSGL),Note: The last one is not a Taiwan based political party, it is a China based political party, Taiwanese who lives or works in China could join this party.
The founder of this party, Xie Xuehong (female), was also the co-founder of the Taiwan Communist Party (branch party of the Japan Communist Party, no longer exists), and the main leader of the rebels in Taiwan during the February 28 Incident.
Can you just sign a marriage certificate and be married
Wedding vows and a wedding ceremony are absolutely optional, and they do not make you married.
Legally, the only thing that matters is the signatures on the marriage certificate.
Everything else is window dressing.
Do you have to have a wedding ceremony
As an attorney, I had someone served with an involuntary bankruptcy at his wedding.
He had refused to pay both child and spousal support for years.
He worked for his daddy and claimed he wasnt making any money.
Almost everything he owned was in someone elses name, except for the house.
,He drove expensive cars, had a boat, a couple of quads and dressed in very upscale clothing.
,He would eat at the finest restaurants and travel all over the world.
,Yet his ex-wife could hardly put food on the table for herself and her children, who were his children also.
,I filed an involuntary bankruptcy against him to get the equity in the house to pay for the support.
,He kept dodging my process server.
His car would be at his work, but they would claim he was not there.
Same at home, his car would be there, but his girlfriend would claim he was not home.
,I spent about six months trying to get him served, when his children (the ones he refused to support) got an invitation to his wedding.
,I had my process server dress as a delivery lady, with a big gift-wrapped box.
Someone at the door said they would take the gift, but the process server told them that the gift was so special, it had to be delivered to the man personally.
,He came to the door, the process server opened the box and, u201cMr.
So-and-so, you have been served.
u201d He blew a cork and started screaming at the process server using every cuss word you could imagine.
,I found out later that he was served just as the wedding was about to start.
,During one of the court proceedings, he told the judge that I ruined his wedding and his honeymoon, to which I replied that was OK because he had ruined his childrens lives.
,Daddy came up with the money for the back support and my attorney fees.
I also got a lien on the house for all future support payments.
I then dismissed the bankruptcy.
,I really dislike anyone who will not support their own children, especially when they have the ability to do so.
,I consider this to be one of my finest cases.
Will I regret not having a wedding
From a different point of view:,If you learn to accept your decisions, you can live free of regret, period.
,You could as easily regret deciding to have a ceremony or not having a ceremony.
The truth lies in your relationship to acceptance and regret, and has little to do with how you actually get married.
,Learning to live without regret is a skill that pays major benefits.